So how do you go about breaking some one's heart over and over again. I thought that when you said you wanted a divorce and move out with the kids that it would be the start of some sort of closure. Apparently not. My husband is trying harder than ever to get the marriage to work. I wish that this was done years ago then there maybe would have been a way to work things out but I have been so unhappy for several years. I don't know but I am not really wanting to work things out at this time. I don't know if anyone reads this but if anyone has any advice on how to end things without hurting the other person more than expected please let me know. It breaks my heart to see him hurt but I can't let that be a reason to stay with him because the feelings a wife has for a husband are not there. I think that we could be great friends but not so much husband and wife.
On to other things now. Today I started making my own healthy breakfast, lunch and have healthy items for snacks also my dinner is cooking as we speak in the crock pot at home. I am going to do that from now on to cut down on cost of eating out and getting healthy and saving money as well. I signed up to get bountiful baskets this weekend to help out with getting items for an amazing price and stocking my fridge with healthy things to snack and to cook with. I have never done the bountiful baskets but I have heard great things about it. I am trying to only have healthy options at home for myself and my girls. My kids for the most part are healthy but one is pre-diabetic so I want to teach them that eating healthy is just as satisfying as junk food and better for you. It is not my new years resolution to eat healthy because I feel like when you make a resolution that you never seem to keep it. In a way this separation is almost a blessing of sorts. I now have to really budget my money and buying food is a whole lot cheaper than going out. I need to figure out things for us to do that are free or really inexpensive.
I never thought that I would do a blog and I read other people's blogs and just really enjoy getting to know that person in a way. Doing this is a big release. If I had to write things down in a journal then I would loose interest quickly because writing takes time, but typing is so much easier and faster.
It is funny though when you go through things like this and the people you thought were the closest to you kind of stay away, and other people you didn't think cared so much are the ones continuing to check in on you, making sure you are OK and offering their time to just sit and spend time with you. I do not like to call people with problems and have them listen to my sob story but this separation / divorce is extremely hard and when you have your own mom telling you not to dwell on it makes you wonder why people don't understand. It is hard, I am going to cry. I am going to question my decision and I love him but am not in love with him so let me vent if I want to. Let me cry to you, listen to me, do not speak badly of him to me because I do not want to hear that. He is still a good man and has done a lot for me. He helped me move, paid to have my car fixed etc.. since this whole thing has happened. He is hurting and I feel bad that he is hurting so cut me a break I have a heart. He will always be a part of my life because of our two beautiful daughters and because I want him to be. I am not doing this because I dislike him I just feel that things will work out better with us a friends and co-parents then they would as husband and wife. So please if you know someone that is going through something similar they may know that this is the best thing but that does not make the process any easier it is still painfully hard and that person just needs someone to be there. Even if it is to take them out and buy them a few drinks so that they can loosen up, go to church with, have coffee with or maybe a lunch. Just be there that is all that I want, please don't disappear because then who do we really have. for the people that are my rock through this I thank you from the bottom of my heart. The things I have had to deal with in the past year and if you know me you know what I am talking about is cake compared to this. So let me know you are there even if it is just a call. I promise you that I will never forget it and will return the favor if ever needed.
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