Starting Over

Yay my very fist blog. I have been wanting to do this for such a long time.
So let's start with a little background. I have been with my husband since I was 17 years old and now I am 34. We have been blessed with 2 beautiful daughters one of which will be 15 in a few days and the other will be 11 in Feb. We have had a rocky relationship to say the least. We have had many ups and downs and things have happened that I just can not seem to get past. Improvements in the marriage has been made but for some reason there is a lot that I can not seem to get over and feel like I have been through enough. So before Thanksgiving I told him that I wanted a divorce, hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life but I have not been happy in such a long time and it makes for a miserable household. One very sad element to this story is that I am extremely close to his family and am really risking losing a lot of the relationships that I have gained because of this. Well anyway I told him before Thanksgiving, at first there was so much anger that came from him and I understand that but then things calmed down after a few days and we had a talk and decided that we wanted to remain very good friends. He still wanted me to go to his family's house for Thanksgiving and Christmas like we always do. I have to say that I really liked the idea because of how much I love them all but it was very awkward at the same time. Not only is one of his brothers not speaking to me at all because of this my husband told one of his other brothers that he doesn't want him speaking to me at all. This brother and I have a good friendship and I think that my husband might be a little insecure about that. Well flash forward to today and the changes that I have made. My girls and I are moving into our own apartment next week my husband will hopefully be fully moving out today. He is trying to stay until the last minute but I am tired of dragging out the separation and it is just weird because he is sleeping on the couch and I am in the bedroom. He is moving to his parents house with his own room and it is just down the street so I don't understand wanting to stay on the couch when we both know that it is over. Lets just move on already! I am trying to prove to his family that I am not going to take advantage of him or his money and have fit the new apartment into my budget with out the small amount of child support we have agreed on. I do think that I need more but it isn't something that I am willing to argue about. I know that if I need anything he will be there so it isn't a big issue at this time. But anyways on the good things. I am really excited about this change. I finally get to have some freedom and my girls get to be regular kids for a change. I have never really been allowed to go see friends freely and the girls never really get to go outside and visit with people or go to any one's house so this will be a whole new adventure for all 3 of us. I am very excited to be able to be somewhat free. My kids are my life but for the last 15 years I have really been just their mom and his wife and now I finally get to be an individual along with a mom. I will have to learn to live on a very small budget. I have to make some changes on how I spend my money and now be more responsible because I don't really have anything or anyone to fall back on. This will be such a big change because I have never been alone I went straight to my house with my mom and sisters to live with him so it will be the first time ever that I will be living alone (with the girls of course). I am dreading the first time the girls go and stay with him for the weekend because I have never really been without them. Life is full of changes and I know that the last two months have sucked balls big time with the discussion of separation, my car breaking down twice having to come up with a lot of money for moving fees etc... but it was all worth it and it will be over next week. I need to learn how to ball on a budget and I have great friends to keep me occupied and my kids are my whole world so I have everything I need along with my family who supports everything I do as long as I am happy. Well that is it for my first blog. This was so freeing and feels good to get that out. Until next time.......